Last Friday I lost a scrawny 1 lb. I am nearing more goals, and setting new ones and 1 long term goal.
As upset as I was that only 1 lb showed up on the loss chart, I had my mom there to remind me that it is still a loss, there was not a + sign but a - sign. In all reality I know this and with being sick and AJ being sick I didn't do all I could to make the total higher. Again this week I am not expecting anything as a loss, although this sickness would be a great loss.
I am not going to dwell on the I should or shouldn't haves, coulds or couldn't. I am sucking it up and taking the past 2 weeks and gonna start again tomorrow. Maybe the Friday treat of a venti mocha frappaccino will not be a treat this week but then again I have to get some treat, RIGHT?
As the goals come together and the realization of almost 30 lbs gone hit me today- I look at myself in the mirror and then look at the numbers I have wrote on my mirror I can smile and say good bye to those 28 lbs that have been here long enough. I heard someone say the other day- I am so sad to see her go (totally walking by and not even being said to me) I thought hmm, that is in a way the way I can look at this weight loss.
Sad to see them go? No, but in all reality this is me- the 28 lbs on, the 28lbs off, no matter the weight on or off this is me! I can in all honesty say that being heavy all these years has helped me in so many ways- weird yes but then again no! I don't look at a heavy person and say dang look at that cow, or wide load coming.I know the ugly horrible clothes you can where- (the flowers that will look like the whole dang bush or the horrid bright colors that say look at this roll), the comments (dang she is eating pizza it already looks like she at the store), the looks (disgust). I always have believed you never know the true reason someone is big, is it because they like food, is it a medical issue or is it simply the big boned rule.
As I do have the food issue I will stand on any mexican roof top and scream I love food, but now I know I can still eat my favorite things and I can still lose this weight. My heart will always be big no matter my size.
Plus like it or not the truth is this FAT PEOPLE ARE A LOT NICER THAN SKINNY PEOPLE!!!!!!!
Do I want to be a skinny person well yea, most big people do, but until a skinny person is big and deals with everyday comments, clothes and looks remember if we were all the same this world would be one boring place.
Now on to the title of the blog...
I am not going to the chapel but I am going to a hay field and I am gonna get remarried!!
This is my major life goal- I have finally set the ultimate goal and am so excited to go dress shopping with my best friend and my mom, on June 21, 2013 -- 100-120 lbs lighter I will be putting on my gorgeous wedding gown with my dad walking me down the aisle in front of our 3 children, family and friends I will be celebrating 10 yrs with my husband in a wedding. I so want to be the stunning bride and what a better anniversary present to me and my husband than me unzipping this weight and revealing my new body.
I am so excited, I am the blushing bride the glowing new mother the newly engaged married woman. LOL
The decision to do this was a big one- one I am not going to take lightly I have a lot of work to do over the next 15 months. Most importantly is I have 73-93 lbs more to lose.
The biggest question I have in my mind is - will my husband look at me and think what in this world are we thinking, or will he be thinking dang she looks alot better after 10 years then she did when we first got married?
Alot of the family know about the wedding- When I married Brad the 1st time around my mom said he has 2 kids this is a big step are you sure you are ready for this? Yes I love him
Now think about this he now has 3 kids, are you sure this is what you are ready for? Well after stopping a minute there wasn't the yes, I love him! Its yes I love them, all 3 kids!!! I keep thinking hmm I am wearing tennis shoes and with this 100-120 lbs gone I can run like hell!!! No wouldn't that freak everyone out....
I am weigh more than a pretty face!!!!!
Amy, how wonderful! I think what may surprise you the most is not how your husband looks at you...but the new ways in which you see yourself. You're on the path to becoming a stronger, even more kick-ass woman...and I know you're going to do it. :-) Stop giving yourself crap about "only" losing 1 pound and remember to celebrate all the successes...even the little ones. Setbacks may happen once in a while, but you've got this...you do...now run with it and don't give the Negativity Monster the time of day. :-) Big hugs!
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