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Monday, April 23, 2012

The Funk has stopped

The Funk has stopped FINALLY! After 2 weeks of weight gain I am hoping it has now become a red light I can only see in my rearview mirror. I am wanting to go full pedal to the floor but the lovely hot hunk that holds the slow sign keeps jumping out in front of my SUV.

I have been down the past 2 weeks but when Friday came around and I got on the scales and I realized there was a -3.4 on my paper I was doing the mc hammer dance.
I am back to getting my head on straight and really really trying to focus on the -30.6 lbs I have now lost and not the -32.2 I had lost. I suppose it was a reality check for me to know that for the past 16 weeks ONLY 2 of those I have gained.

It could have been worse. Even though I have gained a total of 5 lbs in the 16 weeks I am back to having lost 30.6 lbs. That is a huge weight loss in 16 weeks.

I must thank my mom for really supporting me and continuing to try and cheer me up those 2 weeks when I gained.

I have big plans in about 90 lbs.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Time & Backsteps

Its been over a month and the candle I was burning was blew out over the last few weeks due to the heavy wind. I am beginning to look back now after the aggravation and the hardship lectures and slaps I was giving myself. It seems I was going really good until the last few weeks where now I will admit I could have done better and could have been a lot stricter on myself. It seems I was down 32.2 lbs and was seeing a great change in my attitude, clothes and physical appearance. But the last few times I have went to weigh I have now lost only a total of 27.2 which is devastating to me.

I had had reached my 10% I had set and it was like I got this- then my body went to show me I do NOT have this. With me losing a total of 120 lbs as my ultimate goal I had BIG plans to show off my weight lose- I am in the process of planning a 10 yr vow renewal ceremony on June 21, 2013.

With this ceremony I have decided it will me more like a wedding type event due to us going out of state to get married- I want the wedding dress, the bridesmaids the whole 9 yards. See I have a vision and I want that to be my focus. The dress has to be perfect after the lose of 120 lbs I want something stunning, elegant, country, and very shapely.  But now I keep telling my self who am I kidding that is over a year away and I could lose the weight and then gain in back by then. I know I know positive outlook.

My butt and gut is saying hold up missy- my mind is saying why fool yourself. I continue to read and she continues to shape up and ship the pounds out which is awesome I am proud of her but for me I am feeling like a failure to anyone who is in my family and to possibly anyone out there reading my blog. This week has started another week. I see this dress dangling in front of me and I just keep falling on my face the past few week. I have decided to get up, brush myself off, blow the long hair I have let grow out of my eyes and show this dress not only is it not the one but I am not that size 28 anymore. 

I can now fit in 22 pants- 2 to3Xl shirts and  I am going to continue to get smaller.

I will show this demon I call food I am ready to get jiggy with it and that I'm to Sexy for my plus size clothes.

Thanks for listening and hope it finds you all well.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Going to the chapel & I'm gonna get married!

Last Friday I lost a scrawny 1 lb. I am nearing more goals, and setting new ones and 1 long term goal.

As upset as I was that only 1 lb showed up on the loss chart, I had my mom there to remind me that it is still a loss, there was not a + sign but a - sign. In all reality I know this and with being sick and AJ being sick I didn't do all I could to make the total higher. Again this week I am not expecting anything as a loss, although this sickness would be a great loss.

I am not going to dwell on the I should or shouldn't haves, coulds or couldn't. I am sucking it up and taking the past 2 weeks and gonna start again tomorrow. Maybe the Friday treat of a venti mocha frappaccino will not be a treat this week but then again I have to get some treat, RIGHT?

As the goals come together and the realization of almost 30 lbs gone hit me today- I look at myself in the mirror and then look at the numbers I have wrote on my mirror I can smile and say good bye to those 28 lbs that have been here long enough. I heard someone say the other day- I am so sad to see her go (totally walking by and not even being said to me) I thought hmm, that is in a way the way I can look at this weight loss.

Sad to see them go? No, but in all reality this is me- the 28 lbs on, the 28lbs off, no matter the weight on or off this is me! I can in all honesty say that being heavy all these years has helped me in so many ways- weird yes but then again no! I don't look at a heavy person and say dang look at that cow, or wide load coming.I know the ugly horrible clothes you can where- (the flowers that will look like the whole dang bush or the horrid bright colors that say look at this roll), the comments (dang she is eating pizza it already looks like she at the store), the looks (disgust). I always have believed you never know the true reason someone is big, is it because they like food, is it a medical issue or is it simply the big boned rule.

As I do have the food issue I will stand on any mexican roof top and scream I love food, but now I know I can still eat my favorite things and I can still lose this weight. My heart will always be big no matter my size.
Plus like it or not the truth is this FAT PEOPLE ARE A LOT NICER THAN SKINNY PEOPLE!!!!!!!
Do I want to be a skinny person well yea, most big people do, but until a skinny person is big and deals with everyday comments, clothes and looks remember if we were all the same this world would be one boring place.

Now on to the title of the blog...
I am not going to the chapel but I am going to a hay field and I am gonna get remarried!!
This is my major life goal- I have finally set the ultimate goal and am so excited to go dress shopping with my best friend and my mom, on June 21, 2013 -- 100-120 lbs lighter I will be putting on my gorgeous wedding gown with my dad walking me down the aisle in front of our 3 children, family and friends I will be celebrating 10 yrs with my husband in a wedding.  I so want to be the stunning bride and what a better anniversary present to me and my husband than me unzipping this weight and revealing my new body.

I am so excited, I am the blushing bride the glowing new mother the newly engaged married woman. LOL
The decision to do this was a big one- one I am not going to take lightly I have a lot of work to do over the next 15 months. Most importantly is I have 73-93 lbs more to lose.

The biggest question I have in my mind is - will my husband look at me and think what in this world are we thinking, or will he be thinking dang she looks alot better after 10 years then she did when we first got married?

Alot of the family know about the wedding- When I married Brad the 1st time around my mom said he has 2 kids this is a big step are you sure you are ready for this? Yes I love him

Now think about this he now has 3 kids, are you sure this is what you are ready for? Well after stopping a minute there wasn't the yes, I love him! Its yes I love them, all 3 kids!!! I keep thinking hmm I am wearing tennis shoes and with this 100-120 lbs gone I can run like hell!!! No wouldn't that freak everyone out....

I am weigh more than a pretty face!!!!!

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Its been a few days

If you looked at the top of the blog you can see that I have lost 2.6 lbs.
A total of 27.6 I can't even begin to say how grateful I am for my awesome supporting mom and dad, husband and son. It really means alot. I haven't been walking actually I have not been doing anything but sleeping and taking care of my son. It seems we have been passing it back and forth. I took my son to the dr on Saturday and he has strep, then I had to take him back yesterday and he now has strep with mono, low iron count and low white blood cells.

We go back to the dr Tuesday to check out his blood cells and iron count. I can't even begin to tell you my worries and how much I want him to get better. We have been to the dr at least 2 times a month for the past 3 to 4 months. 

I am hoping to get to goal # 2 soon which is to get to 275. I am really seeing my goals and hoping that I can reach them and am thinking once goal #2 is completed I will reset the goals. The 3 -5 are the same but adding 2 more. I find looking at my goals daily help me really stop and think about my day and the food I put in my mouth.

I also am hoping to get this stomach bug out of the way and start walking again.

Have a great day!

Monday, February 20, 2012

Goal 1 Completed

CHA CHA CHING! The scales showed -2.8 which puts me to Goal 1 Completed by almost 2 pounds.
I weighed 286 when I went into the hospital to have my son nearly 7 years ago. What a great day Friday was to realize that I was under 286. After a very complicated pregnancy I went in to have my beautiful much awaited 8 lb 12 oz son, never ever did I think I would be bigger than 286. After nearly 7 years I am under that weight and I can see the other remaining 4 goals being completed in the future.

I went Thursday to the dr for her to be astonished at me losing the amount of weight I have. She kept saying how proud of me she was and how much happier I seemed.  I can say I was a little saddened Friday as I stepped on the scales at WW and realized it was -2.8. Crazy I know but I have been busting my butt to exercise and to really watch my food intake.

Don't get me wrong I love the weight loss but when you try so hard and really think it is a good week your results are not what you thought. Like I have stated before I am really wanting those biggest loser numbers -9, -10, -13.

My mom continues to lose also, I love being able to share my results with my mom, dad, husband and son.
I am proud of her. Since I completed the 25 pounds lost I got my 25 lb coin thing from WW. This is the most I have ever lost on WW.

On Saturday we went to Walmart and another bow I got a size smaller pair of pants. I can't see any major results anymore as I think my stomach and butt are still this huge jiggly jello thing but the zipper continues to go down slowly.

This week makes me more determined to walk and exercise and to succeed at more lower numbers.

Boy Scouts are taking up a little more time of mine as I have been placed as Committee Chair. I so love being able to be my sons den leader and be with the other 5 boys of the Den and continue to get them excited. I now can't wait until our hike this summer- no I can't make it while huffing and puffing.

Small steps and a determined heart and mind. I will continue to lose.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Another 1 Bites the Dust

Growing up I loved this song- I still love it. I wouldn't have even imagined that I would have lost after feeling like the fat rolls were never ending. Plus feeling like the junk in my trunk was stuffed to the max, the doors had to be held open longer and wider this past week. Down 2.8 more. Makes my # 1 goal even closer within a small hop. I was a little  upset I didn't make that goal but then again any small amount of weight loss is a great step and Success in my book.

So weight now is 287.6 Making a total of 22.2 gone. I continue to keep my small goals in check and not get frustrated. Saturday and Sunday have blessed me with the great stomach bug or something. Today still isn't a wonderful feeling good day.

Tonight we- Brad, AJ and I are celebrating our Valentines day so we will have Texas Roadhouse, candle light dinner at home. It has been a tradition since AJ was born 6 years ago to enjoy it at home as a family.
I have stopped and got dessert a small red velvet valentine cake per my sons request and it is small- so that will help on me not wanting to eat it all.

I'm  hoping to get a little exercising in this week- its so much easier sitting on the couch and not doing anything but that won't help me reach my goals. I don't want anymore zipper complications with this stinking, sweaty, unattractive fat suit. I thought this morning that next year I will hopefully be wearing a nice looking black dress to wear on our family valentine dinner. ; )

Another change to show I am WEIGH MORE THAN A PRETTY FACE.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Friday Already!

Today I'm realizing it could be an either way week. I hope and fingers crossed that the scales today show some results. I have been really watching my points and now I am actually starting to do a little more exercising. Measurements were took and I am looking as if that was the answer I have succeeded but if not I have failed.

My awesome son was so overly proud of me last Friday that this morning he said are you going to weigh today. Yep- I will have an answer as soon as I pick you up today from school. I would hate to see the look in his eyes if I have gained.

I continue to see the zipper slowly making its way down my throat. I thought I could see results but this week is it possible to feel your butt is alot bigger than it used to be. Its almost as if I'm running out the door and I'm yelling keep the door open because the end is back there somewhere.

I have been thinking of some weight goals I hope I can full fill.
1.) Weigh 286 which was what I weighed when I was pregnant with my son,
2.) Say good bye to the 286 and hit 275
3.) 268 which I weighed 9 years ago when I met my husband
4.) 259.4 that will be the big 50 lbs lost
5.) 250 ultimate goal for years!!!!!!!!

The rest will follow as I get closer. Looking at it now makes me think I am crazy. Today will be 6 weeks and last week it was 19.4 lbs lost. I am not setting any dates, nor will I set dates. I am really just wanting to see the small goals and the success of 50lbs gone. I pray I will never see those numbers again.

I can and will prove there is Weigh More Than A Pretty Face under this fat suit. Starting at my chin it is a slow sticky zipper.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Drum Roll Please!

So I left you hanging this weekend. So let me tell you- i'm shocked you haven't heard from my 6 yr old son AJ. I LOST 5 LBS.. AJ had a doctors appointment so my mom brought him with her to weigh in.
You should have heard him all Friday- he text my husband and kept telling him how proud he was of me. You talking about melting my heart- he is mostly the reason I am really trying, don't get me wrong I am doing it for myself also but he is 6 when the doctor told me maybe 1-3 years I knew I had to be there to watch my son grow up.

His being proud of me, and continuously telling me throughout the day and night he was proud made me want to try 100 times harder. So the complete total lost is 19.4, I made my 5% target weight and so now my targets have changed but I can do this.

My mom has been doing WW also and she is doing really well- I know she feels frustrated at her weight loss but she continues to loss and not gain. For years and multiply times on WW she would lose and I would gain. So I would quit. I love my mom and without her support I might not want to try so hard this time. I'm aboslutely proud of her and she has been there for me since before I was born and I can't even tell her how grateful I am to have her as my mom.

For years my obese fat suit has had a piece of fabric stuck in the zipper and finally after years of struggling, tugging, pulling and straining I have got that stupid small piece out and am finally starting to unzip. The unveiling will be one that will take time and I am almost positive that the stupid thing will get stuck again but with support of you guys, family and friends I will continue to pull, struggle, wiggle, jump up and down and finally get rid of this judgemental looking, horrible comment maker and step out into a confindent, beautiful body that is WEIGH MORE THAN A PRETTY FACE.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Today is the day of truth!

The last 5 weeks I have looked forward to Friday's- well actually I love Friday's payday and the weekend.
But now the last 5 weeks has added another great adventure on Friday. I love going and weighing in- its the day of truth not only to see if I have gained or lost any but it really shows that I either didn't try hard enough or I am doing great with my weight loss. With that said I have also haven't gained any weight either on my journey. I am not noticing small things, my stomach is shrinking, my knees are not hurting as bad as they once did. I can't even begin to think how it would have been if I hadn't started this journey. I know now I was absolutely miserable.

A few things I have learned 1.) I don't have to eat till I am miserable 2.) It will be a long hard journey with many ups and downs 3.) I have the best family and friend in the world with support and encouragement
4.) Anything is possible.

My husband helped me take my measurements a week ago Thursday and last night we took them again and I pray the results we got show on the scale also. This week has been a little off due to me and my son being sick but I think I did well and stuck to the plan.

I really like the fact that when I look in the mirror now my belly rolls are shrinking I can see- I so wish I had taken a before picture.

Can't wait till 12. Results to follow later.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

A face with a name.

These are all from last year- maybe I can get an updated picture soon.